Pregnancy AMA!
So…I have a bit of news.
After a miscarriage in fall that really took the wind out of our sails, Hubby and I managed to bounce back and get me pregnant!
And because we’re apparently overachievers…guys, I’m having twins.
According to the CDC, twin births are more common now than they ever have been. Thanks to a number of factors, including fertility drugs and practices like IVF, the rate of twin births in the US has risen 76% in the past 30 years. Despite their increased commonality, the announcement that we’re having twins has been met with shock and wonder (and from my friends who are not kid people, abject horror.) And even though it’s only been just over a week since we made our announcement, Hubby and I have already been asked a lot of the same questions.
Because I’m…well, me…I’m going into this pregnancy the way I go into every other big milestone in my life—loudly and openly. I’ll be posting about my experiences, observations, trimesters, and thoughts on Bite Me quite frequently, so I thought it was best to start with an AMA of sorts.
Here we go,in no particular order!
1. When/How did you find out you were having twins? Did you suspect it?
I found out I was pregnant really early on, and almost immediately afterward, I felt sick.
Like, really sick. I didn’t throw up, but I was experiencing constant, unrelenting nausea. Between that and the soul-crushing fear (the first few weeks of pregnancy after miscarriage is incredibly nerve-wracking,) I was driving myself insane. After my doctor had to push back my first prenatal appointment by two weeks, I decided I couldn’t take it and scheduled an ultrasound at week 7.
At the ultrasound, I was a bit of a wreck. Would there be no heartbeat? A missed miscarriage? Nothing there at all? When I saw the little black and white seahorse-looking blob on the ultrasound screen, and saw its gigantic heart beating, I cried with relief. My ultrasound tech noticed my reaction as she measured my little blob.
“Were you nervous before?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “And honestly, I was a little worried I was having twins with how sick I’ve been.”
The tech laughed and assured me that strong morning sickness didn’t always mean twins. Then she moved the wand ever so slightly to the right...and revealed a second little seahorse.
“Oh…” she murmured. “You may have just jinxed yourself.”
2. Were you surprised/excited/happy?
When I first found out, I was utterly shocked. My first response to the ultrasound tech was, “How the hell am I going to carry twins?!”
Once the dust settled a bit, I’m not ashamed to admit that I had mixed feelings. I was excited, for sure. Not only was there one viable beating heart this time around, but I had two healthy hellspawn growing in me! But I was also terrified. Twin pregnancies are automatically considered high-risk due to the increased chance of complications. I’m twice as likely to develop preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, placental abruption, fetal complications...everything. As a woman with a previous miscarriage and a lifelong anxiety disorder, a twin diagnosis was as terrifying as it was exciting.
Financially, the idea of rearing twins is a bit scary, but honestly, I’m still to this day having a hard time focusing on life past the pregnancy, since the pregnancy has been so scary and all-encompassing physically and psychologically.
3. Do twins run in the family/Are they “natural?”
I lumped these two common questions together because they all boil down to the same veiled question: How the hell did twins happen?!
So, how did we end up with twins? To paraphrase my beloved Clown Prince of Crime, if I have to have an explanation, then I prefer it to be multiple choice. So, kids, here are your options as to how we ended up with twins:
Option 1: Genetics:
If you had asked if twins ran in my family a few weeks ago, I’d have said “they do now!” with practiced snark. That’s the answer I gave to every nurse and hospital assistant I talked to before mid-May. But on Mother’s Day, when we announced our pregnancy to my extended family, I actually found out differently. As it turns out, twins do run on my father’s mother’s side. I had no idea--mostly because I don’t actually know many of them. That side of the family could probably populate the entire sole of Italy’s boot.
Option 2: Science:
When Hubby and I started trying-trying to have a baby, I went all out: Fertility books, cycle tracking, even an ovulation kit. I first used the kit in February and got some strange results. It was supposed to give me a three-day window indicating when I would ovulate. On my most fertile days, the kit would flash me a little smiley face that meant “go time!” Well, I got that smiley face for nearly an entire week, which is not normal. Confused and very much not pregnant by the end of the month, I brought up my strange results to my OB.
“Oh, you probably just have anovulatory cycles now and then,” she said without missing a beat. “It could take you much longer to get pregnant. If you want, I can put you on Clomid to ensure that you release an egg during every cycle.”
For those not in the know, anovulatory means that a woman goes through a menstrual cycle without actually releasing an egg. I was shocked. After all, Hubby and I got pregnant very quickly before, without even really trying. After enduring a miscarriage, I had baby fever like you wouldn’t believe, so the idea of possibly doubling our wait time to get pregnant did not appeal to me. After a lot of soul-searching due to my distrust of drugs, I decided to try the Clomid.
Clomid is a low-level fertility drug; usually the very first step someone struggling with fertility takes before graduating to more expensive and invasive options. It’s quite safe with very few side effects, which is why my OB was so quick to prescribe it despite my having no history of infertility. However, one of those few side effects is that it sometimes causes women to release more than one egg in a cycle. Clomid carries around a 10% chance of resulting in multiple gestation (twins, triplets, etc.) I have to admit, this worried me a little, but not very much. 10% didn’t seem so high to me, especially when faced with the possibility of not being able to conceive for a long time due to anovulatory cycles.
This is a bit of an aside, but now, faced with more information, I don’t think I typically have anovulatory cycles. I think my body hadn’t fully, completely recovered from the miscarriage. A few anovulatory cycles is common in the first few months after pregnancy loss. But either way, I took the Clomid, and seven weeks later, my ultrasound tech who had just dropped the two-seahorse bomb on me was looking at my ovaries for cysts that would indicate which one was responsible for the egg drop. One ovary had one small cyst in its corner.
“That’s the culprit,” she said before moving to the other ovary.
The other ovary looked like it was one giant cyst.
“What does that mean…?” I asked, worried. Ovarian cysts happen every cycle, but this ovary was covered. Would they resolve on their own like usual, or did we have to intervene somehow?
The ultrasound tech shrugged. “It means you’re lucky you’ve only got two in there.”
Option 3: Loki, Norse Trickster God:
In February, two dear Pagan friends of mine were hosting Imbolc festivities at their house, and they invited me. “We’ll even do a fertility rite for you!” they said, knowing we were trying to conceive. I had never witnessed a Pagan ritual in person before, and I was flattered that they wanted to include me. Now, I don’t know if there are any privacy or discretionary rules about Pagan festivals, so I won’t go into the details of the ritual just in case, but it was absolutely fascinating! I was a little uncomfortable being the center of attention during the fertility rite, but I sipped my non-alcoholic grape juice in a badass goblet and tried to let go and enjoy myself. My friend called upon a number of fertility gods from various pantheons, one by one. “I call upon Brigid. I call upon Freyja. I call upon Loki…”
I stopped her. “Whoa, Loki, the god whose bullshit destroys the world in Norse mythology? Noooope. I don’t want Loki anywhere near this uterus!”
Now as an atheist, I was mostly joking, but my friend looked at me, laughing but quite serious.
“Loki is a fertile god,” she explained. “He had many children.”
“Yeah, a giant wolf and snake, an eight-legged horse, and the ruler of Hell. I am not sold!”
Now, like I said, most days, I’m an atheist...but when I saw those two little embryos on the ultrasound, I couldn’t help but think, “That’s what I get for teasing a trickster god.”
So there you have it, one explanation for each existential preference! Personally, my money is on the Clomid...but if you’re trying to conceive, maybe don’t make fun of Loki.
4. Are they identical or fraternal?
I’m having what are known as dichorionic diamniotic, or di/di, twins. This means that my hellspawn each have their own amniotic sacs and placenta. Di/di twins are far more likely to be fraternal. I read in books that there’s about a 30% chance they could be identical, but my OB is treating them as fraternal, so I’m going to go with her opinion until they’re born and we can see if they’re little clones.
5. How will you tell them apart if they’re identical/they look alike?
The author of What to Do When You’re Having Two mentioned using colour-coded (baby-friendly) nail polish on each twin’s toes, and I love that idea, so we’ll probably give that a shot until we can tell them apart.
6. Are you concerned about how having twins will change your body vs a singleton (one-baby pregnancy) would have?
Yes, a bit, not going to lie there. I’ve always been a small creature with completely unearned muscle definition, and body-positive as I am, I know it’s going to be hard to see that go. When I thought I was having a singleton pregnancy, I was a little less worried. Hubby is a sexy gym beast, after all, and he would be more than happy to help get me back into shape after the baby is born. But a twin pregnancy, in this body? I’m going to have stretch marks and loose skin for miles, and it’s going to take me twice as long to lose the weight I’m already rapidly gaining. I’m not terribly focused on the postpartum period right now, but I know that it’s going to be one hell of a rough ride for my insecure ass.
7. Are you thinking of names now, or waiting for birth?
We were rattling off baby names to each other before we were even engaged. Name-hunting was one of our first major projects when we found out we were pregnant. The struggle has been agreeing on them! Many of my favourite names are a little too weird for Hubby’s tastes. Sadly, if we have a boy, his name won’t be Nero. I lost that battle. Grumble.
Before anyone asks an obvious follow-up question, no, we will not be sharing our name choices with anyone but (maybe) close family. People always judge names harshly, no matter what, and we’d rather people keep their judgments of our probably-a-bit-strange names to themselves, or at least behind our backs. We’d rather not hear them.
8. How are you feeding them?
This is the one question I’m just flat-out not answering. How and what a parent feeds their baby has become one of the most disgustingly politicized aspects of parenting, to the point where even your most polite and supportive friend or family member might shame you for your decision, no matter what it may be. I refuse to traipse into that minefield. Our babes will be well-fed and given everything they need to grow and thrive. Frankly, that’s all anyone should be concerned about.
9. Are you planning on encouraging their “twinness,” or emphasizing individuality?
I have to admit, there are many adorable twin-themed onesies on our registry right now. I’ve long been fascinated by the idea of twins. However, individuality is extremely important to us. We don’t want our twins to be shackled to that label and always treated as a single unit. They may be in twin onesies in infancy, and we’d like them to understand how special being a twin is, but we’ll be encouraging their individuality and independence when they’re old enough to show their tastes.
10. How long are you hoping they’ll “stay in?”
A twin gestation is a bit shorter than a singleton pregnancy, clocking in at 37-38 weeks instead of 40. However, only about half of all twins make it to their scheduled due date. The rest come early. I’m hoping desperately that my hellspawn will remain rooted for the full 37/8 weeks, but I’ll pretty much be prepared for labour to strike any time during my third trimester. At the very least, I hope they make it to 35 weeks. Whatever keeps us out of the NICU, or at least shortens their stay.
11. C-Section or vaginal birth?
I know that many women come into pregnancy with a detailed birth plan mapping out their ideal birth experience, and I was no different--when I thought I was just having one baby. I originally wanted to shoot for an unmedicated birth, just to give it a try, though I wouldn’t deny myself an epidural if I needed it. I also wanted to labour in a tub because water has always been a great comfort to me.
Can’t do any of that with a twin pregnancy.
I mean, you can, depending on your OB/Midwife, but it is generally not recommended. The main takeaway from twin pregnancy is more babies = more potential complications, and birth is no different. In truth, I have very little control over what’s going to happen. I may not even be able to choose between a C-section or a vaginal birth. That decision is made by Baby A, whom we affectionately call Romulus/Luke/Artemis/Castor/etc. They are closest to my cervix, and they have to be head down at the right time in order to give me the option of a vaginal birth. Then, if Remus/Leia/Apollo/Pollux is breach? Anything could happen.
Because of this, I am currently leaning toward a scheduled C-section, which is almost laughable to me because a C-section was one of my single greatest fears when I thought I was pregnant with just one. Major surgery terrifies me, and the potential for complications afterwards is equally terrifying. However, given all the complicating factors of a twin pregnancy and birth, it very well may end up being the safest option for me and my hellspawn. We’ll see how my pregnancy progresses and decide from there.
Side note--I’m not discounting Hubby’s opinion in any of this. In this case, his opinion is: “Babe, it’s your body. You’re the one who has to go through it, so it’s your decision.” Fuck, I love him so much.
11. Are you finding out their genders?
Nope.
When we thought we were pregnant with one, our plan was to wait until birth to see what we were having. I have to admit that my curiosity increased when I learned we were having twins, and I’m still pretty damned curious. However, Hubby would really like to wait until their birth, and I think that would be much more fun, anyway. We’ll be starting a for-fun betting pool some time soon, for anyone who’s interested in joining in on the guessing!
12. Are you going to cloth diaper?
We’re going to give it a shot! We’re planning to use disposables until the babes have grown enough to fit into the one-size cloth diapers and go from there.
13. Do you want to make your own baby food?
Absolutely, though we may have some jars of baby food tucked away because...twins. We’re going to be exhausted.
14. What are you most excited about/looking forward to?
I’m most excited about seeing them for the first time, hopefully healthy and big and safe. I’m looking forward to watching the little humans that we created grow and learn and thrive. I’m really looking forward to seeing their innate personalities as well.
I’m also extremely excited about seeing Hubby as a father. He is so excited and I can’t wait to see him bond with the babes. One of the good things about pregnancy is that I already feel a connection to the little creatures inside of me, and it feels like I can bond with them early. Hubby has to wait until they’re born, and I cannot wait to see that connection develop.
15. What are you most afraid of?
Losing the babes in pregnancy, and dying myself. Sorry, not exactly a fun answer. Pregnancy after miscarriage means being in a state of constant fear of loss. For me, it doesn’t matter how many milestones we cross in the pregnancy--there’s always the possibility of some complication or another. And because I have an anxiety disorder that is often linked to my health, pregnancy is one of the most terrifying and stressful things I’ve ever gone through. Make no mistake--pregnancy is dangerous. It’s a full body change, and with your first, you have no idea how your body is going to handle it. I’ve spent most of my pregnancy over-analyzing every twinge, cramp, headache, and dizzy spell. I have said this to my husband more than once, and I mean it: If I could be in some sort of safe, medically-induced coma for the rest of my pregnancy and wake up with our hellspawn healthy and screaming in my arms, I would do that. I always hoped I would enjoy pregnancy, or at least be fascinated by the changes in my body, but I have pretty much just been terrified the entire time. I truly hope that my mood continues to lift as I go through my second trimester, and that I can get a good grip on my anxiety issues. This is the first time in my life that I ever wished I were a little less intelligent (so I didn’t compulsively research and could have some sort of ‘faith’ in my body) or that I were a little more spiritual (so things didn’t feel quite so out of control.)
16. Have you had any bizarre pregnancy dreams?
So far I’ve had one dream where my buddy Sam (aka DJ Audioflesh) and myself were searching for Tom Hardy in a post-apocalyptic wasteland--awesome--and an incredibly awkward and very un-erotic sex dream involving Labyrinth-era David Bowie. So...yes? I tend to have bizarre dreams anyway, so I’m not sure if my pregnancy is going to make them any weirder than usual.
17. How are you feeling so far?
Remember in Interview with the Vampire when Claudia slashed Lestat’s throat and dumped him into the swamp, and Lestat spent an untold amount of time drifting in and out of consciousness, barely aware of himself, feeding on whatever he was able to subdue in his weakened state, essentially an animalistic zombie? That was pretty much my first trimester.
I’m now officially in the second trimester, and my constant nausea has all but vanished. I’m still sleepy, needing a midday nap most days, but I feel much more “myself” than I did. I’ve become accustomed to a lot of the twinges and aches that frightened me so much earlier on, which is wonderful. I’m ecstatic about having a teeny baby bump and I can’t wait to watch it grow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still terrified--I have a headache right now because there’s something in my contact lens and my broken brain is screaming BUT IT COULD BE SOMETHING MORE SERIOUS! GOOGLE IT!--but I’m not as terrified as I was. Here’s hoping that my fear continues to ebb.
18. Will you continue to refer to your babies as your “hellspawn?”
Every expecting couple has a little nickname for their growing babes. Popular choices include nugget, angel, bean, monkey, and peanut. Hubby and I have been calling them “hellspawn” since day one. It’s true (kids are monsters,) it works for twins, and it’s just so “us.” I’m pretty surprised that we’ve actually faced a fair amount of backlash for our nickname. Apparently to many, many people, pregnancy is one of those untouchable traditional milestones that must be handled a certain way. Babies must be precious angels or miracles from God, and how dare we spew our weirdness all over such a sacred moment in life?!
Well, sorry to disappoint, but Hubby and I are still us, even as parents. Hellspawn is a term of endearment, a tongue-in-cheek reference to my love of darkness and my husband’s love of metal. Our hellspawn will remain our hellspawn,and I promise you, their in-utero nickname is not going to damage them. Anyone who knows me knows I was never going to call my offspring precious little angels. Come on, now.
That’s the kindest possible way I can tell everyone to fuck off and mind their own business. Nailed it.
19. How can I help?
I’m overwhelmed with fuzzy feelings because we’ve been asked this by so many people in our life. I can’t tell you how much it means to us. Right now, the help we need is pretty simple.
-Please ask my husband about the pregnancy and fatherhood! Fathers are notoriously left out of the pregnancy and parenthood conversations, and it is ridiculous. Hubby is ridiculously excited and will be an equally enthusiastic and active parent to our children. We are not a “parenting is a woman’s job” kind of couple. I am lucky enough to have a husband who is not the type to balk at pregnancy conversation. He’s just as excited and wanting to talk about it as I am.
-I need distractions. Keeping busy is the best way to keep my broken brain from turning inward and destroying my sanity with fear. In town? Let’s grab coffee. Read an interesting book or article recently? Share it with me. Hear about a photography/writing/art challenge? Tell me about it! As my energy slowly returns, I’m going to need to direct it somewhere other than Pinterest and Facebook debates (my sole first trimester activities.)
-Advice from moms and parents is always welcome. Hubby and I haven’t spent a lot of time around babies and children, and we are utterly clueless. We’ll be taking classes, but we all know parenting isn’t just about how to properly change a diaper. I personally especially love hearing pregnancy and birth stories right now, even if they’re a bit scary, because they remind me that pregnancy is a temporary state from which most people emerge healthy and whole. I also like being prepared for things that books and blogs don’t really mention. For example, I recently heard from multiple friends that the single most painful part of having a child might actually be when the doctor pushes your uterus back into place. I had absolutely no idea this was even a thing, and now I can prepare for it.
That’s it for questions for now. We’re feeling so much right now--elated, overwhelmed, terrified, everything in between--and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to finally be able to talk about all of this. Thank you all so much for caring, for your support and advice. We seriously have the best friends in the world.
Stay tuned for more pregnancy-related posts!
After a miscarriage in fall that really took the wind out of our sails, Hubby and I managed to bounce back and get me pregnant!
And because we’re apparently overachievers…guys, I’m having twins.
According to the CDC, twin births are more common now than they ever have been. Thanks to a number of factors, including fertility drugs and practices like IVF, the rate of twin births in the US has risen 76% in the past 30 years. Despite their increased commonality, the announcement that we’re having twins has been met with shock and wonder (and from my friends who are not kid people, abject horror.) And even though it’s only been just over a week since we made our announcement, Hubby and I have already been asked a lot of the same questions.
Because I’m…well, me…I’m going into this pregnancy the way I go into every other big milestone in my life—loudly and openly. I’ll be posting about my experiences, observations, trimesters, and thoughts on Bite Me quite frequently, so I thought it was best to start with an AMA of sorts.
Here we go,in no particular order!
1. When/How did you find out you were having twins? Did you suspect it?
I found out I was pregnant really early on, and almost immediately afterward, I felt sick.
Like, really sick. I didn’t throw up, but I was experiencing constant, unrelenting nausea. Between that and the soul-crushing fear (the first few weeks of pregnancy after miscarriage is incredibly nerve-wracking,) I was driving myself insane. After my doctor had to push back my first prenatal appointment by two weeks, I decided I couldn’t take it and scheduled an ultrasound at week 7.
At the ultrasound, I was a bit of a wreck. Would there be no heartbeat? A missed miscarriage? Nothing there at all? When I saw the little black and white seahorse-looking blob on the ultrasound screen, and saw its gigantic heart beating, I cried with relief. My ultrasound tech noticed my reaction as she measured my little blob.
“Were you nervous before?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “And honestly, I was a little worried I was having twins with how sick I’ve been.”
The tech laughed and assured me that strong morning sickness didn’t always mean twins. Then she moved the wand ever so slightly to the right...and revealed a second little seahorse.
“Oh…” she murmured. “You may have just jinxed yourself.”
2. Were you surprised/excited/happy?
When I first found out, I was utterly shocked. My first response to the ultrasound tech was, “How the hell am I going to carry twins?!”
Once the dust settled a bit, I’m not ashamed to admit that I had mixed feelings. I was excited, for sure. Not only was there one viable beating heart this time around, but I had two healthy hellspawn growing in me! But I was also terrified. Twin pregnancies are automatically considered high-risk due to the increased chance of complications. I’m twice as likely to develop preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, placental abruption, fetal complications...everything. As a woman with a previous miscarriage and a lifelong anxiety disorder, a twin diagnosis was as terrifying as it was exciting.
Financially, the idea of rearing twins is a bit scary, but honestly, I’m still to this day having a hard time focusing on life past the pregnancy, since the pregnancy has been so scary and all-encompassing physically and psychologically.
3. Do twins run in the family/Are they “natural?”
I lumped these two common questions together because they all boil down to the same veiled question: How the hell did twins happen?!
So, how did we end up with twins? To paraphrase my beloved Clown Prince of Crime, if I have to have an explanation, then I prefer it to be multiple choice. So, kids, here are your options as to how we ended up with twins:
Option 1: Genetics:
If you had asked if twins ran in my family a few weeks ago, I’d have said “they do now!” with practiced snark. That’s the answer I gave to every nurse and hospital assistant I talked to before mid-May. But on Mother’s Day, when we announced our pregnancy to my extended family, I actually found out differently. As it turns out, twins do run on my father’s mother’s side. I had no idea--mostly because I don’t actually know many of them. That side of the family could probably populate the entire sole of Italy’s boot.
Option 2: Science:
When Hubby and I started trying-trying to have a baby, I went all out: Fertility books, cycle tracking, even an ovulation kit. I first used the kit in February and got some strange results. It was supposed to give me a three-day window indicating when I would ovulate. On my most fertile days, the kit would flash me a little smiley face that meant “go time!” Well, I got that smiley face for nearly an entire week, which is not normal. Confused and very much not pregnant by the end of the month, I brought up my strange results to my OB.
“Oh, you probably just have anovulatory cycles now and then,” she said without missing a beat. “It could take you much longer to get pregnant. If you want, I can put you on Clomid to ensure that you release an egg during every cycle.”
For those not in the know, anovulatory means that a woman goes through a menstrual cycle without actually releasing an egg. I was shocked. After all, Hubby and I got pregnant very quickly before, without even really trying. After enduring a miscarriage, I had baby fever like you wouldn’t believe, so the idea of possibly doubling our wait time to get pregnant did not appeal to me. After a lot of soul-searching due to my distrust of drugs, I decided to try the Clomid.
Clomid is a low-level fertility drug; usually the very first step someone struggling with fertility takes before graduating to more expensive and invasive options. It’s quite safe with very few side effects, which is why my OB was so quick to prescribe it despite my having no history of infertility. However, one of those few side effects is that it sometimes causes women to release more than one egg in a cycle. Clomid carries around a 10% chance of resulting in multiple gestation (twins, triplets, etc.) I have to admit, this worried me a little, but not very much. 10% didn’t seem so high to me, especially when faced with the possibility of not being able to conceive for a long time due to anovulatory cycles.
This is a bit of an aside, but now, faced with more information, I don’t think I typically have anovulatory cycles. I think my body hadn’t fully, completely recovered from the miscarriage. A few anovulatory cycles is common in the first few months after pregnancy loss. But either way, I took the Clomid, and seven weeks later, my ultrasound tech who had just dropped the two-seahorse bomb on me was looking at my ovaries for cysts that would indicate which one was responsible for the egg drop. One ovary had one small cyst in its corner.
“That’s the culprit,” she said before moving to the other ovary.
The other ovary looked like it was one giant cyst.
“What does that mean…?” I asked, worried. Ovarian cysts happen every cycle, but this ovary was covered. Would they resolve on their own like usual, or did we have to intervene somehow?
The ultrasound tech shrugged. “It means you’re lucky you’ve only got two in there.”
Option 3: Loki, Norse Trickster God:
In February, two dear Pagan friends of mine were hosting Imbolc festivities at their house, and they invited me. “We’ll even do a fertility rite for you!” they said, knowing we were trying to conceive. I had never witnessed a Pagan ritual in person before, and I was flattered that they wanted to include me. Now, I don’t know if there are any privacy or discretionary rules about Pagan festivals, so I won’t go into the details of the ritual just in case, but it was absolutely fascinating! I was a little uncomfortable being the center of attention during the fertility rite, but I sipped my non-alcoholic grape juice in a badass goblet and tried to let go and enjoy myself. My friend called upon a number of fertility gods from various pantheons, one by one. “I call upon Brigid. I call upon Freyja. I call upon Loki…”
I stopped her. “Whoa, Loki, the god whose bullshit destroys the world in Norse mythology? Noooope. I don’t want Loki anywhere near this uterus!”
Now as an atheist, I was mostly joking, but my friend looked at me, laughing but quite serious.
“Loki is a fertile god,” she explained. “He had many children.”
“Yeah, a giant wolf and snake, an eight-legged horse, and the ruler of Hell. I am not sold!”
Now, like I said, most days, I’m an atheist...but when I saw those two little embryos on the ultrasound, I couldn’t help but think, “That’s what I get for teasing a trickster god.”
So there you have it, one explanation for each existential preference! Personally, my money is on the Clomid...but if you’re trying to conceive, maybe don’t make fun of Loki.
4. Are they identical or fraternal?
I’m having what are known as dichorionic diamniotic, or di/di, twins. This means that my hellspawn each have their own amniotic sacs and placenta. Di/di twins are far more likely to be fraternal. I read in books that there’s about a 30% chance they could be identical, but my OB is treating them as fraternal, so I’m going to go with her opinion until they’re born and we can see if they’re little clones.
5. How will you tell them apart if they’re identical/they look alike?
The author of What to Do When You’re Having Two mentioned using colour-coded (baby-friendly) nail polish on each twin’s toes, and I love that idea, so we’ll probably give that a shot until we can tell them apart.
6. Are you concerned about how having twins will change your body vs a singleton (one-baby pregnancy) would have?
Yes, a bit, not going to lie there. I’ve always been a small creature with completely unearned muscle definition, and body-positive as I am, I know it’s going to be hard to see that go. When I thought I was having a singleton pregnancy, I was a little less worried. Hubby is a sexy gym beast, after all, and he would be more than happy to help get me back into shape after the baby is born. But a twin pregnancy, in this body? I’m going to have stretch marks and loose skin for miles, and it’s going to take me twice as long to lose the weight I’m already rapidly gaining. I’m not terribly focused on the postpartum period right now, but I know that it’s going to be one hell of a rough ride for my insecure ass.
7. Are you thinking of names now, or waiting for birth?
We were rattling off baby names to each other before we were even engaged. Name-hunting was one of our first major projects when we found out we were pregnant. The struggle has been agreeing on them! Many of my favourite names are a little too weird for Hubby’s tastes. Sadly, if we have a boy, his name won’t be Nero. I lost that battle. Grumble.
Before anyone asks an obvious follow-up question, no, we will not be sharing our name choices with anyone but (maybe) close family. People always judge names harshly, no matter what, and we’d rather people keep their judgments of our probably-a-bit-strange names to themselves, or at least behind our backs. We’d rather not hear them.
8. How are you feeding them?
This is the one question I’m just flat-out not answering. How and what a parent feeds their baby has become one of the most disgustingly politicized aspects of parenting, to the point where even your most polite and supportive friend or family member might shame you for your decision, no matter what it may be. I refuse to traipse into that minefield. Our babes will be well-fed and given everything they need to grow and thrive. Frankly, that’s all anyone should be concerned about.
9. Are you planning on encouraging their “twinness,” or emphasizing individuality?
I have to admit, there are many adorable twin-themed onesies on our registry right now. I’ve long been fascinated by the idea of twins. However, individuality is extremely important to us. We don’t want our twins to be shackled to that label and always treated as a single unit. They may be in twin onesies in infancy, and we’d like them to understand how special being a twin is, but we’ll be encouraging their individuality and independence when they’re old enough to show their tastes.
10. How long are you hoping they’ll “stay in?”
A twin gestation is a bit shorter than a singleton pregnancy, clocking in at 37-38 weeks instead of 40. However, only about half of all twins make it to their scheduled due date. The rest come early. I’m hoping desperately that my hellspawn will remain rooted for the full 37/8 weeks, but I’ll pretty much be prepared for labour to strike any time during my third trimester. At the very least, I hope they make it to 35 weeks. Whatever keeps us out of the NICU, or at least shortens their stay.
11. C-Section or vaginal birth?
I know that many women come into pregnancy with a detailed birth plan mapping out their ideal birth experience, and I was no different--when I thought I was just having one baby. I originally wanted to shoot for an unmedicated birth, just to give it a try, though I wouldn’t deny myself an epidural if I needed it. I also wanted to labour in a tub because water has always been a great comfort to me.
Can’t do any of that with a twin pregnancy.
I mean, you can, depending on your OB/Midwife, but it is generally not recommended. The main takeaway from twin pregnancy is more babies = more potential complications, and birth is no different. In truth, I have very little control over what’s going to happen. I may not even be able to choose between a C-section or a vaginal birth. That decision is made by Baby A, whom we affectionately call Romulus/Luke/Artemis/Castor/etc. They are closest to my cervix, and they have to be head down at the right time in order to give me the option of a vaginal birth. Then, if Remus/Leia/Apollo/Pollux is breach? Anything could happen.
Because of this, I am currently leaning toward a scheduled C-section, which is almost laughable to me because a C-section was one of my single greatest fears when I thought I was pregnant with just one. Major surgery terrifies me, and the potential for complications afterwards is equally terrifying. However, given all the complicating factors of a twin pregnancy and birth, it very well may end up being the safest option for me and my hellspawn. We’ll see how my pregnancy progresses and decide from there.
Side note--I’m not discounting Hubby’s opinion in any of this. In this case, his opinion is: “Babe, it’s your body. You’re the one who has to go through it, so it’s your decision.” Fuck, I love him so much.
11. Are you finding out their genders?
Nope.
When we thought we were pregnant with one, our plan was to wait until birth to see what we were having. I have to admit that my curiosity increased when I learned we were having twins, and I’m still pretty damned curious. However, Hubby would really like to wait until their birth, and I think that would be much more fun, anyway. We’ll be starting a for-fun betting pool some time soon, for anyone who’s interested in joining in on the guessing!
12. Are you going to cloth diaper?
We’re going to give it a shot! We’re planning to use disposables until the babes have grown enough to fit into the one-size cloth diapers and go from there.
13. Do you want to make your own baby food?
Absolutely, though we may have some jars of baby food tucked away because...twins. We’re going to be exhausted.
14. What are you most excited about/looking forward to?
I’m most excited about seeing them for the first time, hopefully healthy and big and safe. I’m looking forward to watching the little humans that we created grow and learn and thrive. I’m really looking forward to seeing their innate personalities as well.
I’m also extremely excited about seeing Hubby as a father. He is so excited and I can’t wait to see him bond with the babes. One of the good things about pregnancy is that I already feel a connection to the little creatures inside of me, and it feels like I can bond with them early. Hubby has to wait until they’re born, and I cannot wait to see that connection develop.
15. What are you most afraid of?
Losing the babes in pregnancy, and dying myself. Sorry, not exactly a fun answer. Pregnancy after miscarriage means being in a state of constant fear of loss. For me, it doesn’t matter how many milestones we cross in the pregnancy--there’s always the possibility of some complication or another. And because I have an anxiety disorder that is often linked to my health, pregnancy is one of the most terrifying and stressful things I’ve ever gone through. Make no mistake--pregnancy is dangerous. It’s a full body change, and with your first, you have no idea how your body is going to handle it. I’ve spent most of my pregnancy over-analyzing every twinge, cramp, headache, and dizzy spell. I have said this to my husband more than once, and I mean it: If I could be in some sort of safe, medically-induced coma for the rest of my pregnancy and wake up with our hellspawn healthy and screaming in my arms, I would do that. I always hoped I would enjoy pregnancy, or at least be fascinated by the changes in my body, but I have pretty much just been terrified the entire time. I truly hope that my mood continues to lift as I go through my second trimester, and that I can get a good grip on my anxiety issues. This is the first time in my life that I ever wished I were a little less intelligent (so I didn’t compulsively research and could have some sort of ‘faith’ in my body) or that I were a little more spiritual (so things didn’t feel quite so out of control.)
16. Have you had any bizarre pregnancy dreams?
So far I’ve had one dream where my buddy Sam (aka DJ Audioflesh) and myself were searching for Tom Hardy in a post-apocalyptic wasteland--awesome--and an incredibly awkward and very un-erotic sex dream involving Labyrinth-era David Bowie. So...yes? I tend to have bizarre dreams anyway, so I’m not sure if my pregnancy is going to make them any weirder than usual.
17. How are you feeling so far?
Remember in Interview with the Vampire when Claudia slashed Lestat’s throat and dumped him into the swamp, and Lestat spent an untold amount of time drifting in and out of consciousness, barely aware of himself, feeding on whatever he was able to subdue in his weakened state, essentially an animalistic zombie? That was pretty much my first trimester.
I’m now officially in the second trimester, and my constant nausea has all but vanished. I’m still sleepy, needing a midday nap most days, but I feel much more “myself” than I did. I’ve become accustomed to a lot of the twinges and aches that frightened me so much earlier on, which is wonderful. I’m ecstatic about having a teeny baby bump and I can’t wait to watch it grow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still terrified--I have a headache right now because there’s something in my contact lens and my broken brain is screaming BUT IT COULD BE SOMETHING MORE SERIOUS! GOOGLE IT!--but I’m not as terrified as I was. Here’s hoping that my fear continues to ebb.
18. Will you continue to refer to your babies as your “hellspawn?”
Every expecting couple has a little nickname for their growing babes. Popular choices include nugget, angel, bean, monkey, and peanut. Hubby and I have been calling them “hellspawn” since day one. It’s true (kids are monsters,) it works for twins, and it’s just so “us.” I’m pretty surprised that we’ve actually faced a fair amount of backlash for our nickname. Apparently to many, many people, pregnancy is one of those untouchable traditional milestones that must be handled a certain way. Babies must be precious angels or miracles from God, and how dare we spew our weirdness all over such a sacred moment in life?!
Well, sorry to disappoint, but Hubby and I are still us, even as parents. Hellspawn is a term of endearment, a tongue-in-cheek reference to my love of darkness and my husband’s love of metal. Our hellspawn will remain our hellspawn,and I promise you, their in-utero nickname is not going to damage them. Anyone who knows me knows I was never going to call my offspring precious little angels. Come on, now.
That’s the kindest possible way I can tell everyone to fuck off and mind their own business. Nailed it.
19. How can I help?
I’m overwhelmed with fuzzy feelings because we’ve been asked this by so many people in our life. I can’t tell you how much it means to us. Right now, the help we need is pretty simple.
-Please ask my husband about the pregnancy and fatherhood! Fathers are notoriously left out of the pregnancy and parenthood conversations, and it is ridiculous. Hubby is ridiculously excited and will be an equally enthusiastic and active parent to our children. We are not a “parenting is a woman’s job” kind of couple. I am lucky enough to have a husband who is not the type to balk at pregnancy conversation. He’s just as excited and wanting to talk about it as I am.
-I need distractions. Keeping busy is the best way to keep my broken brain from turning inward and destroying my sanity with fear. In town? Let’s grab coffee. Read an interesting book or article recently? Share it with me. Hear about a photography/writing/art challenge? Tell me about it! As my energy slowly returns, I’m going to need to direct it somewhere other than Pinterest and Facebook debates (my sole first trimester activities.)
-Advice from moms and parents is always welcome. Hubby and I haven’t spent a lot of time around babies and children, and we are utterly clueless. We’ll be taking classes, but we all know parenting isn’t just about how to properly change a diaper. I personally especially love hearing pregnancy and birth stories right now, even if they’re a bit scary, because they remind me that pregnancy is a temporary state from which most people emerge healthy and whole. I also like being prepared for things that books and blogs don’t really mention. For example, I recently heard from multiple friends that the single most painful part of having a child might actually be when the doctor pushes your uterus back into place. I had absolutely no idea this was even a thing, and now I can prepare for it.
That’s it for questions for now. We’re feeling so much right now--elated, overwhelmed, terrified, everything in between--and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to finally be able to talk about all of this. Thank you all so much for caring, for your support and advice. We seriously have the best friends in the world.
Stay tuned for more pregnancy-related posts!
Comments
Post a Comment