Hello, 2016!

            Well here it is, the last day of 2015. In 2014, I moved back to BG to finish my degree, finally officially ended a terrible relationship, and got into a wonderful new one. This year, holy shit. This year I finished a creative project I’ve been dedicated to since 2011, I developed a new passion, I fell in love with a little Boston Terrier, and I fucking got engaged! Holy shit! There were losses, including my beloved serpent, Prometheus, and a friend who died in a car accident which, though we weren’t close, shook me deeply. Overall, however, 2015 was an absolutely wonderful year for me. Having said that, I didn’t do everything I set out to do in January. Let’s take a look back at my 2015 resolutions and see how I did overall:

1. Finish Fucking Draft 2

            I finished fucking draft 2! 

            I finished it near the end of April, sent it out, and…well, my mom read it. It was a disheartening experience to ask trusted friends to read the creative work that has been the biggest project of your life thus far, and have many of them forget to read it, drag their feet, or otherwise treat it like an 8^th grade English assignment. Some had legitimate reasons, of course, but most of the time, they just treated it like a chore. As a budding writer, this realization was fairly soul-crushing. If you can’t get the people you trust most in your life to read your work, how the hell will you get an agent to? But I have sent it out to a few agents. I haven’t received a response from most of them, which is a new hell in and of itself—is it my query? Is my story not ready? Do I suck as a writer? Fuck!—and the two generic rejection emails I’ve had made me realize that my skin is a bit thin yet for this profession, but I’m going to keep hammering away at it, polishing this wonderful story I finally titled I Am Twenty One that I have loved to so long.

            Anyway, mark this one up as a success!

2. Eat better.

            Fail. Utter failure in this department. My diet has gotten so much worse, and it’s taking a serious toll on me. I feel like hell. But I’ve realized why it’s been difficult for me to eat better this year. Eating well, for me, takes planning. I need to make a meal plan, go out to the grocery store, and buy the foods I’d like to eat and prepare throughout the week. If I’m able to follow those steps, eating well is incredibly easy. The issue this year was that I never had enough money at once to go out and buy the groceries I needed. Hopefully this year will be different. Even if I have to go to Kroger a few times a week and do mini shopping excursions, I need to eat better, because I’m done with feeling like shit because I eat nothing but junk food.

3. Keep belly dance in my life/exercise more.

            Fail again! I had a promising endeavor for belly dance throughout the year. I contacted a holistics center that opened up in town recently, and the owner was very excited to speak with me and have me teach. We had meetings, discussed a schedule and what sort of classes I intended to teach, and then…months of silence. I heard nothing from her. The grand opening came and went, and I received a text here or there—“let’s start it in October/November/the new year some time!”—and a few promises for a meeting, and then nothing. I’ve given up on it. I’d love to teach a class before I leave BG, but I may just have to do a free session in the park in the summer.

As far as exercising in general, the fiancée and I did very well going to the gym on campus earlier in the year, but we soon ran out of the money to continue going. Neither of us could afford the daily pass (he likes to work out almost every single day), and there was no way we could scrape together enough to buy a long-term membership. I am notoriously bad at keeping myself motivated with any sort of fitness at home. I tried here and there with yoga, belly dance, and stretching exercises, but it always fizzled out after a few weeks. I’d lose my momentum for whatever reason, and my routine would die entirely.

4. Stop speaking ill of people

            Honestly, this one was far too ambitious of me. People are complex creatures, and they are both lovable and reprehensible. It was unwise of me to think I could just stop venting to those close to me about my troubles with other people. It was especially unwise because I’m the confidante, diary, and whipping girl of so many people, acquaintances and friends alike. I severely reduced my level of venting, but damn. Between the election, dysfunctional relationships, friends suddenly becoming their horrible parents, and dear friends making horrible mistakes (AGAIN,) I simply couldn’t keep it all in. Secrets, as always, are kept secret, but damn if my poor fiancé didn’t have to listen to quite a bit of me bitching about my frustrations with other people this year. I also noticed this year that it tends to be contagious; once someone mentions something I’d been holding back about a mutual acquaintance, it would spill out of me like a pea soup projectile. I was better about it than I have been in previous years, but it was definitely still something I had to do to keep sane in 2015.

5. Travel somewhere.

            Technically, success! I went to Lakewood, Cinci, and Put-in-Bay for the first time this year. I also briefly went to Pittsburgh near my birthday. I immediately fell in love with Lakewood, where we’ll be moving in summer. I was only in Cinci for a wedding, but in driving around there, I was not terribly comfortable, and only for one reason: There are churches everywhere. Churches are more prevalent than Starbucks in Cincinnati. I know this sounds really bigoted of me, but if you have that many churches in a single city, chances are it isn’t a city in which my fishnet-clad heathen ass would feel welcome. We went to Put-in-Bay for my fiance’s birthday, and it was lovely! I’d love to go there again, hopefully without rain this time.

            I would have loved to have travelled more outside the state, to see Chicago again, or spend time on an ocean beach, but I was impressed that I was able to travel as much as I did.

6. Keep art in my life

            Check and check. Ceramics may have died due to sheer lack of…ability to make anything without a kiln, clay, glaze, tools, and a wheel, but I found photography and I absolutely adore it, though I’m not any good at it yet. I wrote a ton this year, from writing a one act play to participating in Nanowrimo. I even started brainstorming for a new novel idea! I also started knitting again and started learning how to crochet. 2015 was full of artistic endeavours, and I can’t wait to keep them going!

            So I failed where it counts with health, of course, but overall, I’m happy with how 2015 went. Ecstatic, even. As for 2016, I have many plans. Much like last year, they’re simple and hopefully easy to accomplish.

Dee’s 2016 Resolutions!

1. Get married!

            This is an easy one, seeing how the proposal happened already. It won’t require much effort on my part except to keep my fiancé happy enough to still want to marry me. Hopefully this won’t be a difficult task!

2. Regular fitness

            A goal which echoes last year’s failure. I’m desperate to begin a regular fitness schedule. I even want to buy a Fitbit-type thing to help keep the goal in my head. I especially want to keep belly dance and stretching/yoga a main focus, but I’d also like to do more cardio, since my endurance is absolutely horrible right now. I can barely make it through three songs on the INation dance floor. Not acceptable. Right now my love and I are trying to scrape together enough cash between saving for the wedding and moving expenses to get memberships to a little local gym. If we can’t, then my fiancé becomes my drill sergeant and we force each other into doing dreaded home workouts. Hopefully it won’t come to that. I’m much more comfortable in gyms.

3. Stop eating junk food and have better nutrition

            “Eat better” is pretty much the same thing, but “better nutrition” sounds gentler to me. I want to eat healthy, but I’m not confident I’ll have enough income to afford weekly healthy grocery shopping, especially with our upcoming expenses. So in 2016, I will strive to stop eating junk food like McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s, etc, and make slightly healthier food options, even in the fast food department (Chipotle, Subway, Pita Pit, etc), and hope to be able to do more.

4. Finish first draft of a new novel

            I’ve found it very hard to move on from the world and characters of I Am Twenty One, especially since it’s been the focus of my writing passion for so many years, but I’m dying to try something new. There’s a new character in my head, and he is hilarious and fascinating and I’m looking forward to getting to know him better. However, I’d rather not spend another four years on a single project, so I’m going to give myself the year to get acquainted with his story and hash out a rough draft. I’m really hoping for a completed draft, but given the amount of stuff we’ll be planning for this year, I’ll settle for a mostly complete draft.

5. Knit something other than a scarf.

            Eep! I have been knitting on and off for years, but my practice in this craft has been so on and off that every time I pick up the needles again, I need a fresh tutorial on how to knit at all. However, I have somehow accumulated a collection of knitting books full of amazing patterns for sweaters, stuffed animals, and all manner of goodies. I want to make at least one new item that isn’t a scarf. Even if it’s a blanket, whatever, I just want to get out of my knitting comfort zone.

…that might be the lamest sentence I have ever written. My knitting comfort zone? What am I, 90?

            Either way, it’s happening.

6. Perform somewhere for Halloween.

            For a few years now, I’ve wanted to focus my belly dance on darker, more theatrical performances. It has been a very long time since I’ve performed dance, and I really miss it. Halloween is my favourite time of year, a year where I can be as twisted as I want with my performances. I want to utilize it. I’m not sure where on earth I’ll be able to perform, but I want to have at least one performance in 2016. One deliciously dark performance.

Well, there we have it! My 2016 New Year’s Resolutions. I’m most anxious about the last one, but the rest seem well within my reach.

2015, with a few sorrowful moments, was an absolutely wonderful year for me. In 2016, I’m moving closer to my family, getting married, and starting a life I’ve never lived before.

Bring it on.