On Housewives

            Housewife is a tumultuous term in our society today I mean, just free associate with the word for a moment to see what you come up with:

            Housewife: Minivan. PTA meetings. *1950s. Mom jeans. Lazy. Sheltered. Unambitious. Unintelligent. Anti-feminist.  “Errands”, aprons, and conservatism.

            These are all words I came across when researching/asking people about housewives today. They have one hell of a bad rap with my generation. Hell, I’ve even described 50 Shades of Gray as porn for neglected housewives, and we all know that wasn’t meant to be a compliment. But why? Why do we treat the term housewife as an insult, or a prison? I’ll admit to having had a negative view of them in the not-too-distant past, and I still have a negative view of house hubbies (sorry, boys, I know it’s wrong, I’m working on it!)

Do we really think they all feel that way?

            Well, I think the biggest problem we as a society see with housewives (or home managers, home makers, whatever you want to call them) is that they don’t work. They choose to stay at home all day and have the audacity to call childrearing and cleaning a career. How dare they?! How dare they compare such menial tasks to such illustrious careers as…plugging useless information into computers for companies, selling people crap they don’t need, or putting up with restaurant customers who won’t leave a tip if their burger has tomato on it?

            Yeah, I’m thinking there’s some jealousy there. There are many people out there who love and adore their jobs, but most people are lucky to just like theirs. We live in a society where the first question asked about someone is “What do they do for a living?” We are trained from kindergarten (or earlier, in some psychotic preschools) to become a part of the work force, and when someone steps outside of that box, we don’t really know what to think.

            I’ll admit it, I am a little jealous of these women. They get to go out and be in the world. They can spread errands throughout the week that many of us have to cram into our evenings and weekends. They are there for their children whenever they’re needed. They can spend all day cooking a huge dinner for the family to perfection (hey, I’m Italian, that’s a beautiful thing to us). And as a person whose dream job (writing) is a work from home situation, I am definitely envious of the time they have when their kids are in school. That’s a great deal of daily writing time. And I don’t think I’m alone in being a little envious here.

            Another problem we have is the assumption that raising children, cleaning, and cooking is simple. Uh…when did we all collectively decide that raising children was easy? I’ve seen enough new parents in my friend circle with dark rings under their eyes to counter that. Have you ever seen a little kid throw a screaming, flailing temper tantrum in a store, or heard a baby screaming on an airplane? Yeah, imagine bringing that screaming kid home with you. And trying to keep them in line in a way that won’t alert child services. Every mother I’ve ever talked to, including my own, is happy to tell me how crazy raising a child is, that it’s the most challenging thing they’ve ever done in their life. Why do we downplay it when a woman decides to face that challenge head on instead of a challenge someone in a suit sets for her?

Uuugh...toddler tantrums...

            As for cleaning, yes, it isn’t what it was in the days before dishwashers and washers and dryers. But it still took my mom (and us when she could wrangle us into it) an entire day to get the house clean. I live in a one bedroom apartment, so it probably wouldn’t take that long, but spending all day scrubbing the sinks, doing and folding laundry, washing dishes, dusting, decluttering, organizing, scrubbing the bathtub/shower, sweeping, mopping, cleaning windows and mirrors, etc, is still an undertaking. And cooking, sure, it’s fun for some, like me, but I’ve never had to deal with cooking a huge meal for multiple people with different tastes with enough for everybody. That might be the simplest task to overlook for most, but I can tell you, there are quite a few people in my generation who don’t know how to cook. I have one friend in particular who refuses to even attempt to boil water for Mac n Cheese noodles (“They have Instant Mac n Cheese for a reason, Dee!”)I’m sorry, but we’re accusing housewives of being lazy?

            As much as I admire and definitely envy these women who devote their lives to children and home, I don’t think I’d ever be able to be a full time housewife. The main reason—other than not being able to afford living in a one-income household—is that I royally, royally suck at cleaning. Seriously. My mother is a clinical clean freak. She kept the house immaculate when two teenagers were living in it. Her mother, my Nana, puts most five star hotel cleaning teams to shame. If the cleaning gene didn’t skip a generation in me, it’s lying pretty damn dormant. I’m a fantastic straightener of clutter, but that’s about as far as my cleaning talents reach. I’ll have my moments where I just can’t take the mess anymore and I clean up, but those occur maybe once a month. I’d be a piss poor housewife if my kids were living in clutter.

Imagine cleaning this up. Every. Single. Day.

            I also think I’d get restless, fast, because that’s my nature. In college I favoured summer semesters because they were only 6 weeks long. If I fall into a routine, I get bored almost immediately. The life of a housewife is pretty routine. But then again, so is your average job. I think, in an ideal world, I’d have a part time job when I’m a mother. That way I could get the best of both worlds. Is that going to happen? Probably not. But I’m sure I’ll be able to strike a balance between Working Dee and Mama Dee. In the meantime, I will continue to roll my eyes at feminists without a cause and other people who judge for no real reason, and admire the women who have the means and the heart to devote their lives to their families.

            And I will begin the search for a maid.

*For the record, women did work in the 1950s, according to the Bureau of Labour Statistics, about 30% of women were employed. So, contrary to popular belief, not every woman was a housewife.