My Predictions for The Dark Knight Rises

          While trying to think of a clever introduction to this blog, I realized that I was just too freaking excited to do it. THE DARK KNIGHT RISES GOES UP TOMORROW AT MIDNIGHT! And I’m going to be there, possibly in costume, ticket in hand, at 11:30pm with a stupid grin slapped on my face and enough adrenaline in my veins to sprint to Florida and back.

            As the time nears to finally, finally see the epic conclusion of Nolan’s ingenious installment of the story of Batman, and I realize I’ve been kind of mentally holding my breath for four years. My invisible/imaginary blog readers are well aware of how The Dark Knight impacted me, and, honestly, the world of cinema. It was simply…amazing. In the literal sense of the word. Just breathtaking. Batman fans, myself included, have spent the last four years debating casting possibilities, mock posters, teaser trailers, and plot theories. I guess I didn’t notice just how much I’d been looking forward to the ending of the trilogy until this week.

            I’m dangerously close to squealing like an adolescent girl.

            Now as a girl who’s watched movies more often than any human being not paid to do it should, I have quite a few predictions for this movie that probably have a pretty sound possibility of happening. Now, Christopher Nolan is, in my most humble opinion, a cinematic genius, who writes and directs with far more brainpower than pretty much anybody else directing today, and I don’t doubt that he’s going to surprise us in quite a few ways, especially given the pressure he’s under to live up to (dare he hope to top) The Dark Knight. But every filmmaker has a few patterns he adheres to, and I think I can safely predict some of them. Either way, it’ll be fun to go back and see what I was right or wrong about after I freaking see The Dark freaking Knight Rises!!!!!

            Okay, okay…having heart palpitations…calming down…without further fangirl gushing, here are my predictions for The Dark Knight Rises:

The beginning is going to blow us the fuck away. Let’s do a quick recap of the first few minutes of The Dark Knight: Ooh, creepy clown mask heist yay clever Joker background dialogue everybody kills each other HOLY SHIT JOKER FACE oh my GOD the school bus gets in line with the others mind blown! I’m pretty sure Nolan is going to try his damndest to top that. I’m pretty sure the action of the first few minutes of TDKR is going to leave me with my nails firmly dug into the theatre chair armrests.

The movie is going to be dark. Dark, dark, darkity dark. TDK took a far darker turn than Batman Begins and the nihilistic brutality of that darkness left us begging for more. I’m pretty sure Nolan’s going to up the darkness, probably even cross the line to hopelessness, though bring us back to non-suicidal with the ending, which I’ll get to predicting.

There will be a teensy reference to/cameo of the Joker. In TDK, Scarecrow returned for about five seconds, much to my delight…Cillian Murphy is delicious…but had no hand in the plot. I’m guessing they’ll do that again. It’s obvious that Harvey Dent will be mentioned, probably quite a bit, but I’ll bet the Joker isn’t going to be a part of this plot. Still, I predict a cameo or reference, maybe even to Arkham…dare I dream. Now, there is the possibility that Nolan will choose not to do that due to Ledger’s tragic death, but if he doesn’t at least mention the Joker, I will be forced to fly to LA and strangle the man. And speaking of my Mistah J…

Bane will be formidable, complex, and scary…but he won’t make it to Joker caliber. No, this is not me being biased, I swear. It is undeniable that Heath Ledger’s Joker blew the world away. He was simply ingenious, perfect. Hardy’s going to be an awesome Bane, I have no doubt about that. He’s going to bring the character to a whole new level (I’m guessing closer to the comic books than the Animated Series ever had…and let’s not even mention Batman and fucking Robin) but he’s in the shadow of a perfect performance. Let’s just say I doubt he’ll get an Oscar nomination.

Catwoman is going to be one of those overly witty clever hot chick criminal types we’ve seen a thousand times since the 90s. Not going to lie, I cringed when I saw that Anne Hathaway was going to play Catwoman. The chick from the Princess Diaries? Really? Yes, yes, I know she’s done a ton of other things after that, and different roles, but you can’t deny that Hathaway has a girl-next-door vibe that is just so not Catwoman. She has an innocence that doesn’t work in black leather, I don’t care how good her figure looks in it. Still, I trust Nolan’s casting choices. We do remember that everyone was pretty shocked and apprehensive when he first announced Ledger as the Joker, and look what happened there. Still, the only way I can see Hathaway working as any form of Catwoman/Selina Kyle is if she’s written as overly clever, witty, “independent” (which in USA film translates to she can physically kick ass), and wears unnecessarily hot outfits. It’s a stereotype that sprung up mostly in the 90s as a backlash to the Damsel in Distress motif, and I’m willing to bet that’s the route Hathaway is going to take Catwoman. I’m sure she’ll do it well, and I’m sure critics are going to love her like they always do, but yeah…I still think she’s going to be a stereotype.

The movie will lean heavily on physical violence. TDK had some combat action, but mostly it was far more a battle of wits/technology/time. I’m sure there’ll be some of that in TDKR, but…dude, look at Bane. Just look at him. He could bench press Rob Reiner. Bane is going to be super intelligent, but they didn’t beef up Hardy just to make him an evil genius. There are going to be some seriously, seriously epic fights to look forward to in this one. And on that note…

Bane will break Batman’s Back. I would bet a limb that this is going to happen, that’s how confident I am. It happens in the comics, and it’s the perfect out to end the series, and that’s what Nolan’s main goal is: end the universe, not make it a huge franchise. This is the ultimate out that will satisfy the fanbase who have read the comics. And I can’t be wrong about this. It’s even alluded to that Bane wants “something worse than death” to happen to Batman. I mean, come on! There it is! The evidence is all there! They might as well plaster Brokeback Batman on the posters! I guarantee that this is going to happen.

Joseph Gordon Levitt finds out Batman’s identity and just might become a Robin-type figure—and, given that Levitt seems to be to Nolan what Depp is to Burton, he might steal the show. I doubt the guy’s going to don a Robin costume, but I’m betting he isn’t going to be any old flatfoot. His name is too high profile and too dear to Nolan. He’s a cop, which means he’s close to Gordon. This makes me think he’s going to investigate Harvey Dent’s death and find out some things, then find out who Batman is because, let’s face it, they might have made Bruce Wayne a less obvious candidate for Batman to the Gotham public because he portrays himself as an apathetic playboy, but as we saw in TDK, he’s not doing a whole lot to cover his tracks. That wormy guy Reese found it out in an evening. If he doesn’t return in the movie to spill the beans, I’m betting Levitt is going to find out another way without too much effort. Plus, the trailer suggests that Gordon does end up knowing Batman’s identity, and Gordon himself rarely asks questions, just trusts people. Someone else must have found out and told him. And who do you think that is going to be? Nolan’s golden boy. It seems kind of obvious. It’s like when Tim Burton put his womanthing Helena Bonham Carter in what appeared to be a cameo/supporting type role in the godawful movie Dark Shadows. At the end, she becomes a vampire and opens the door for a godawful sequel. As far as Levitt being a Robin figure, I still don’t think Batman is going to have a Robin, but if Nolan does go with that angle…it’ll be Levitt’s character. But if it doesn’t, I still think we’re going to focus on Levitt’s character quite a bit, possibly more than we should.

We’ll Lose Alfred. He’s been too close to the action for too long. I don’t know if Nolan’s going to go quite so formulaic as to kill him, nor do I think he’s going to go Hamlet and just kill everybody, but I really think we’re going to lose Alfred somehow. Maybe he’ll be kidnapped or something.

Bruce’s parents’ deaths will be mentioned. This is a little prediction, but it was almost completely glossed over in TDK and was a gigantic focal point in Begins. I’m betting it’s going to be mentioned, even just a bit.

Hans Zimmer is going to drum his little heart (and our ears.) This is a random one, but Zimmer gets really excited when composing for fast-paced, high octane movies. And when Zimmer gets excited, his drums get to ear-shattering decibels. Remember the storm climax in Pirates 3? Yeah. I’ll be expecting that level of percussion. And to be deaf for the rest of the night.

The ending will be EPIC! But formulaic. From the trailers, I’m pretty sure there are bombs, or one really big super bomb, as the crux of this whole “save the city” thing. There are only two ways bombs go in movies: Shut off or BOOM! And I’ll bet my left ovary that Gotham won’t be destroyed at the end of this film. Naturally, this is going to lend itself to a pretty formulaic climax: Batman and company racing to find/stop the bomb. It will, however, be awesome.

Batman will die-no he won’t-yes he will-no he won’t…fuck! I still can’t decide whether or not Batman is going to die. On one hand, it would be really predictable. But on the other, can Bruce Wayne actually live in a world without Batman? It’s the fundamental question of the dynamic that’s been questioned and examined by countless Batman fans and even writers. This isn’t a prediction, I guess, since I can’t make up my mind about it. But I’m on pins and needles about seeing it. He might commit suicide if my Bane back-breaking theory holds water (which it does!)

The movie will be great, fantastic, even…but it will fall short of The Dark Knight. Again, this isn’t just me broadcasting my bias or saying it won’t measure up to me personally. I’m saying that Nolan tried his damndest, but he already made the masterpiece of this trilogy. TDKR will be breakneck-paced, action-packed, emotionally destructive, tear-jerking, and an epic ending to the series. But it won’t be the tour de force that is The Dark Knight, the film that blew us away.

            And those are my predictions! With about 24 hours to go, I’m getting more excited by the minute. For anyone who’s seeing the midnight showing, I’m sure I’ll be raring to have a conversation about it. Here’s hoping the trilogy ends as beautifully and tragically as everyone’s anticipating it will!