Don't Blame Disney

            About a week ago, I ended up chatting on Facebook with a friend who had transferred to another college. We caught up, exchanged recent stories, just small talk, really. It came up that I was single, having broken up with my ex a year ago. I explained to her what had gone wrong (he was a compulsive liar who cheated on me, blah, blah, blah) and why I wasn’t too eager to be in a relationship now.

“I just don’t really want to deal with the stress of a relationship.” I said, “I mean, I know not all men are like my ex, but all couples have their problems, you know? I have enough stress in my life right now.”

“Oh, I know exactly what you mean.” said my friend, “When I was with [her ex], I thought he was my soul mate. I thought everything would be perfect. But--” and she, being the queen of negativity that she is, immediately launched into a full 45 minute tirade about every single problem she’d had with her ex during their 6-month relationship. They were pretty typical problems about which most couples complain: moving in too soon, dirty dishes, why-didn’t-you-call-me, who’s-that-guy-who-keeps-calling-you, lack of communication, etc.

Why did her relationship fall apart? Well, I foolishly assumed that she and her ex were like the rest of the millions of couples on Earth who just didn’t really work together after a while, that they weren’t really the best fit for one another and it ended once they accepted that.

Wrong, according to my friend, Our Lady of Perpetual Blame. Oh, little Dee, you naïve little thing. Relationships aren’t ruined because of people drifting apart or being the wrong fit for one another.  Relationships are ruined by Disney, of course.

That’s right…Disney.

I was as confused as you probably are right now. But have no fear, my friend broke this down for me. When she was a child, she grew up watching Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Aladdin, you know, all the classics. According to her, that made her believe that once she found her knight in shining armor, her True Love, all conflict in her life would melt away and she would live happily ever after in a perfect relationship with Prince Charming. Unfortunately, her “Disney-formed ideals” were shattered when met with real life, as Snow White never had to spend each morning picking up Prince Charming’s dirty socks and Ariel never caught Eric ogling another girl’s ass. Well, except Ursula, but he was under an evil spell.  Boys, don’t even think about trying to use that for an excuse, btw. It will not work.

I was pretty appalled when my friend unloaded all of this onto me. How the hell can anyone blame Disney for their own tragically skewed ideals? Well, apparently my friend isn’t alone in her blame. There’s actually a school of thought on this, basically stating that Disney poisons the minds of impressionable young kids (usually girls, of course), making them believe that all they need to have the perfect life is a man to rescue them from plight, and bam, instant Happily Ever After.  People actually believe this.

Well, apparently Childhood Dee didn’t get the memo that Disney movies were supposed to be maps for real life. Maybe I was distracted by the talking animals and random musical breaks because, oh, I don’t know, they were fucking kids’ movies! Seriously! Who’s idiotic enough to actually believe Disney is to blame for unrealistic expectations in relationships? I mean, come on. Come on! Are we really saying that the children of America are that freaking dense? Jesus tap-dancing Christ. If kids were that stupid, none of us would have ever made it to adulthood. We would’ve leapt to our deaths from rooftops trying to fly like Peter Pan or riding a “magic” carpet.

Yep, this is Disney's doing.

Of course Disney movies aren’t realistic in representing relationships. They aren’t realistic in representing anything. They’re for entertainment. I feel idiotic just having to point out that obvious fact. There aren’t any perfect marriages, just like there aren’t any singing alligators or scepters wielding hypnotic qualities or curses that turn arrogant princes into giant bipedal wildebeests. Give your kids some credit, people.

And you know what? I don’t even really buy that Disney portrays relationships that are so wildly ideal. Before any femmanazis lunge at their computer screens in an attempt to rip my head off, I will give you guys three excessively frail Disney females who desperately needed men to rescue them: Aurora, i.e Sleeping Beauty, helpless date-rape victim, Snow White, the quintessential ideal 1930s housewife, and Cinderella, everyone’s favourite victim of domestic abuse. But I would also like to point out that these movies were all made in or before the 1950s, when the ideal woman was a helpless homemaker with fluff for brains.

Anti-feminist bitches.

But those are the only three you get, femmanazis.  Seriously.  As I like to list things, I’m going to rattle off a bit about the Disney women that stand out to me and their allegedly “ideal” relationships.

Ariel: I’d like to first point out that this might be my least favourite Disney movie as far as messages go. Let me break it down for you: Spoiled brat princess has everything handed to her on a silver platter. She wants more. She gets it. The end. I’d be more worried about the message this is sending to kids on how to get their way, rather than its message about relationships. But what exactly is “ideal” about Ariel and Eric’s relationship? Ariel spends the entire moving trying to steer his attention away from another woman! Not to mention the whole evil-spell factor, which I’m sure kids take into account when they become teenagers looking for love. When they ask Why does Johnny want the head cheerleader instead of me? I’m not sure they think she uses Sea Witch magic to keep him around. I’m sure they think that Johnny’s a horny bastard.

Jasmine: Aladdin spends the entire first movie lying to her about who he is and what he does. If anything, Disney was just mimicking every man we’ve ever met in a bar.

…plus, Jasmine is a total bitch. I’m not sure Aladdin is going to think he’s in the perfect relationship when he has to hear her nagging every single day.

Mulan: Mulan is hardcore, a total badass who ran away from home to save her family.  Dude, she saves her man’s life. That’s anti-Early Disney. And Chang spends a chunk of the movie royally pissed off at her. How is that perfect?

Meg: Meg’s a fiery girl not interested in a relationship, and her resistance to Hercules’ charms is anything but perfect.  Even though they’re in love, they both hurt each other and argue. Sounds like a pretty normal relationship to me, godlike strength and underworld enslavement notwithstanding.

Beauty: This one I’ll argue about constantly. Belle was my idol growing up. She’s a badass. Honestly, I think she and Beast have the best shot at making it in the real world out of all the Disney pairings.  Not because they were made for each other, or because wedding bells sounded during the end credits, but because Belle is an independent woman who can take care of herself, and best of all, she doesn’t put up with any of Beast’s shit. And because Beast is aware of and tries really hard to overcome his own shortcomings.

This is one of the movies that my friend cited as being her downfall. “Beauty and the Beast made me believe I could change a man,” she whined, “that I could fix a bad boy.”

…Okay, temporarily buying into the fact that a roaring 7-foot Manlion is Disney for “bad boy”…yes, it was Belle that cued a change in Beast’s behaviour, but it was his decision to try to change. It wasn’t her changing him.  And it was a hell of a struggle. Beast struggles with his, well, beastliness, until the very end of the movie, even with Belle there with him. There definitely is a “twas Beauty vanquished the Beast” theme to the movie, but it doesn’t gloss over the fact that change is difficult and that relationships are a work-in-progress.

Oddly enough, the most functional couple in Disney.

Oh, and slight digression...am I the only one on Earth who preferred Beast as a furry monster? Bestiality isn't one of my kinks, but in Prince form he looked a little Neandertalish, and he had quite a honker on him, and as Beast he was all warm and cuddly. Buuuut anyway...

People are quick to blame their own shortcomings on society and media.  It’s true that these things, which are big parts of our culture, do assist in shaping us into who we are.  But I grew up watching Disney movies as religiously as any other kid, and I hold no illusions about a perfect relationship with my Prince Charming. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. The vast majority of people I know have realistic expectations in love. We expect to argue, to make mistakes, to have our hearts broken. Maybe it’s because we don’t have a Fairy Godmother doing the matchmaking for us, but I’m willing to bet that even she couldn’t stop Cinderella and Prince Charming from fighting about leaving the toilet seat up.  So instead of blaming Disney for setting up unrealistic expectations about love, maybe you should just work on being more realistic about your own expectations, however they were formed.

Oh, and on a side note, I’m glad that the Disney Disillusionment didn’t hit me, because my life would be one fucked up Disney movie.  No Prince Charming ever looked like this:

Now THAT would be an interesting Disney twist.